Stuff Brown People Like

 

This is a mathematical approach to highlight stuff brown people like in the style of Christian Lander’s blog. The brown people mentioned in this piece are usually of a South Asian background and have been observed in various parts of the world by the author – mostly an observation of her family and friends. This is a special dedication to all brown brothers and sisters who have been aurally assaulted by the Pussycat Dolls’ version of Jai Ho.

#1 Leaving the plastic cover on their remote controls and couches

#2 Staring at other brown people

#3 Silicon Valley

#4 Thrusting their crotches at each other but forbid kissing in films

#5 Finding the Anglo in their names
Eg: Samivelloo – Sam
Vickneshwaran – Warran
Kesevan – Casey
Bramanathan – Nathan

#6 Looking down on Chinese people

#7 Not owning pets

#8 Head bobble

#9 Handing out business cards (then head bobble)

#10 Threading as a form of hair removal (Ok, maybe this more of a need than a like)

#11 Names that come with initials of educational achievements, eg: Dr Anand Bramanathan BSc, MBA, PhD

#12 Russell Peters

#13 Talking about Ayurvedic medicine but only using western medication

#14 Doing activities in groups

#15 White women

#16 Hording anything free or those they can justify as free, eg: Sauce packets from fast-food chains, cutlery on an airplane, tea bags in a hotel room…

#17 Movies where the brown hero is old enough to be the grandfather of a not-as-brown heroine

#18 DIY, especially if they have to hire or pay someone to do it

#19 Adopting (somewhat unsuccessfully) the accent of the country they migrate to, eg: No verries mite!

#20 Making an extra effort to keep that accent when they go back to their home country

#21 Judging other brown people on their skin colour (Case Study: Fair & Lovely).

#22 Increasing vocal volumes on overseas calls

#23 Dressing and talking black, as in African American

#24 Asking other brown people what kind of visa they are on

#25 Saying, “many happy returns of the day” on birthdays

By Komi Sellathurai

Author: Komi Sellathurai

Komi Sellathurai is an Indian-Singaporean, Sydney-based writer.

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