This is a mathematical approach to highlight stuff brown people like in the style of Christian Lander’s blog. The brown people mentioned in this piece are usually of a South Asian background and have been observed in various parts of the world by the author – mostly an observation of her family and friends. This is a special dedication to all brown brothers and sisters who have been aurally assaulted by the Pussycat Dolls’ version of Jai Ho.
#1 Leaving the plastic cover on their remote controls and couches
#2 Staring at other brown people
#3 Silicon Valley
#4 Thrusting their crotches at each other but forbid kissing in films
#5 Finding the Anglo in their names
Eg: Samivelloo – Sam
Vickneshwaran – Warran
Kesevan – Casey
Bramanathan – Nathan
#6 Looking down on Chinese people
#7 Not owning pets
#8 Head bobble
#9 Handing out business cards (then head bobble)
#10 Threading as a form of hair removal (Ok, maybe this more of a need than a like)
#11 Names that come with initials of educational achievements, eg: Dr Anand Bramanathan BSc, MBA, PhD
#13 Talking about Ayurvedic medicine but only using western medication
#14 Doing activities in groups
#15 White women
#16 Hording anything free or those they can justify as free, eg: Sauce packets from fast-food chains, cutlery on an airplane, tea bags in a hotel room…
#17 Movies where the brown hero is old enough to be the grandfather of a not-as-brown heroine
#18 DIY, especially if they have to hire or pay someone to do it
#19 Adopting (somewhat unsuccessfully) the accent of the country they migrate to, eg: No verries mite!
#20 Making an extra effort to keep that accent when they go back to their home country
#21 Judging other brown people on their skin colour (Case Study: Fair & Lovely).
#22 Increasing vocal volumes on overseas calls
#23 Dressing and talking black, as in African American
#24 Asking other brown people what kind of visa they are on
#25 Saying, “many happy returns of the day” on birthdays
By Komi Sellathurai