Hey Asian-Australia. There’s a time for taking those Politeness Mittens off. It’s called RIGHT NOW.
First of all, I’m pretty sure I speak for quite a large proportion of Australia when I say: Damn you Kyle Sandilands and the horse carcass you dragged in behind you!
In the last 24 hours, on the next predictable episode of ‘How Desperate Can Commercial Radio Go’? it appears that Australia’s Vegemite-barrel scrapers masquerading as your self-appointed national taste-makers, Kyle and Jackie O, partook in what can only be described the shittiest remake of Sixteen Candles. Not even JJ Abrams would touch that with a fifteen foot light-sabre.
Passing through the approval filters of the Australian Radio Network (owners of KIIS1065) is a sketch known as Wong Number.
Erin Chew, convenor of the Asian Australian Alliance, reluctantly sat through the entire segment and subsequently documents and breaks down the joke structure in her You Offend Me You Offend My Family Post, which was essentially tricking two Chinese restaurant businesses into repeating takeaway orders into each others phones in full Cantonese accent. This subtext of this piece of Flower-Drum accent-mockery disguised as a demonstration of technologically-advanced gotcha is truly vile:
Listen to this and try not to break anything valuable in your immediate vicinity:
It’s also a crime against comedy, and really, there’s nothing particularly new about this. But hey, it’s not a registered nurse with undiagnosed depressive disorders whom you’ve tricked into putting you through to the Duchess of Cambridge. Anyone (care to) remember that fiasco?
ALL OF THIS TOOK PLACE barely half a day after some entitled mongrels have displayed the wherewithal to lament that the Gold Logie nominations has gotten out of hand diversity-wise. Yes, my apologies for the link to a News Ltd article demonstrating the worst of Anglo cultural privilege-yes, look at it in the face and deal with it, I shout you the next round of drinks.
Whether you like or believe her schtick, Lee Lin Chin has been a fixture on Australian airwaves for longer than most of the LOGIE voters would have been alive. Whether you dig his ideas and arguments or not, academic and musician Waleed Aly is a proven Renaissance man, the like of which we haven’t seen much of in mainstream news and entertainment.
ALL OF THIS TOOK PLACE a week after the UNSW indigenous terminology guide debacle revealed our basic historical awareness around the devastation of colonialism is as proficient as our renewables industry and our broadband capabilities- stuck in the last century and STINKS OF LABRADOR SCROTUM. Captain Cook wasn’t a discoverer or even the first European, morons!
Which brings me to my headline. Let me draw this out and see if this makes sense:
*Cues the latest trippy track by Rainbow Chan on Spotify*
Hey Asians, I understand. We kind of like to be the quiet achievers. We take pleasure in the understated methods of inverting the cultural paradigm to circumvent the centuries of racial humiliation, especially with the help of reality TV.
Revenge is sure lychee-sweet when non-Asian folk think we dominate the pantheon of kitchen gods thanks to Masterchef et al.
We privately rub our hands in glee when we represent Australia two years in a row at Eurovision. We nod furiously in agreement when our Laotian-French-Australian Discrimination Commissioner uses big philosophical words to talk about the Bamboo Ceiling. We rejoice when the Laws’ become Australia’s Modern Family in one of 2016’s highest rating shows.
Hell, even I signed up to do things the fun and positive way instead of whinging, like helping to initiate a playwriting program so that Asian-Australian dramatists could tell their story their way. On stage. Nice, polite and legitimate ways of getting the message across that difference is here to stay.
At the risk of being labelled humourless and thin-skinned, News Ltd and other commercial radio are replete with loud and excruciatingly ignorant voices need to be called out and drowned out.
We hope but don’t know that Penny, Poh, Adam, Dami, Guy will feel like they can or should say something now, but the rest of us can.
Kyle Sandilands, Murdoch Press and the entire braindead mob need to know where the line is. And they’re not going to learn until we take our gloves off and educate the bastards in the language they know best- Public Verbal Humiliation En Masse.
Who’s up for it?