passfail
Speak with an Aussie or English accent: pass
Amusingly mispronounce words in a Spanish lilt or with a Gallic shrug: bare pass
Mispronounce words with a broad Indian drawl or scissor-sharp Chinese vowels: fail
Use an Anglo name: pass
Smile when asked, “I can’t say your name. Can I call you John?”: bare pass
Reply, “Sure. Can I call you fuckwit?”: fail
Never speak your language outside your home: pass
If you do, nod sheepishly when told, “This is Australia; speak English”: fail
Reply to the same question with, “I don’t see you speaking Turrbul”: clear fail
Wear a cross: pass
Wear a rakhi: it will be assumed you have just been to a festival – pass
Wear a turban or a hijab: you’re obviously not even trying